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This is where I will keep all of my worst business ideas

Disposable cookware

I said this idea at work one time and everyone gasped like I was a monster who hates the earth. But we've already committed to a world full of single-use nonsense items so I don't understand why cookware is the thing that crosses the line. If we are going to worry about the environment and stop using disposable cups and forks and razors and soda cans and shoes and everything else, I'm in. But if not then can we please just make pots and pans that I can throw away after a meal? Especially when we make scrambled eggs. 


Shoe dispenser

Pediatricians and experts agree that the hardest part of parenting is getting out the door and into the goddamn car. Recent studies show that up to 50% of all exit delays are caused by situations that fall under the category of "shoe drama"

  • One or more children can't find their shoes (14%)

  • Child wants to wear different shoes (7%)

  • One shoe is missing (11%)

  • Wrong feet (10%)

  • Child wishes to put shoes or clothes on independently; is also upset by the resulting lack of assistance (5%)

  • Misc (shoes were left in the car last night, shoes are suddenly too small, child hates these socks, etc) 

My invention is a simple device that would be mounted on or near the front door. There would be a large button or lever. Pressing this button dispenses a single-use, adjustable paper shoe. It would work a little like a straw dispenser, but with disposable paper shoes instead of straws.

The shoes would be very simple to put on and adjust without tying. There would be no "left" or "right" shoes, rather they would be made of a soft, pliable paper pulp material that could be molded to the appropriate shape of the foot. The material could also be waterproof, but that would make them harder to compost or recycle. Oh well


Massage Therapy Dogs

This one is Kevin's idea. If a dog is really aggressive and cannot be rehabilitated, this is a humane alternative to euthanasia. Under anesthesia, a surgeon would grind the dog's teeth down and install implants made of silicone rubber. Once healed, the dogs could be trained and then placed in homes with people who have jobs that require being on their feet all day - retail workers, construction, teachers, nurses, and other people with chronic foot pain. The owner would stretch out on a chair and extend their legs outward so the dog would attack the person's feet. The dog would have a loving home, and the owner would receive a nightly deep-pressure massage. 


Fake Urgent Care for Kids Who Maybe Just Have Gas

Have you ever taken your very definitely gravely ill child to an ER or clinic only to have them instantly perk up and feel better as soon as the doctor walks in? Better safe than sorry, of course -- but the $200 medical bill you get is all too real. In the United States, false alarms cost parents an estimated 3.1 billion dollars every year. My chain of fake Urgent Care facilities will feature a realistic waiting area, simplified "intake" forms, and employees who look and act like medical professionals. Most cases resolve immediately, but if needed we can provide fake X-rays and other tests for nominal fees. If your child is not instantly better, we will provide a free map to the nearest real medical facility.

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Uber for RV towing

I want the freedom of RV life without the hassle of driving. It would be cool if I could hire someone to drive my car and tow the camper that I will buy once this idea takes off. 


Urn Alternatives for People with Fraught Relationships

This one is dark, and I'm sorry but my brain thought of it and so it has to go here. This would be custom items such as punching bags and bow/arrow targets that contain a person's ashes. Could also expand into less violent options such as cat litter and toilet paper pending safety testing.

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