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Writer's pictureTiffany Ard

Free Disney Shuttle

I've always wanted to do this one! First I would need to purchase a luxury van. Early in the morning I will drive to all of the hotels in Anaheim with a sign that says "FREE SHUTTLE TO DISNEY WORLD"




Once the van is full of passengers eager for their day ahead, we say "Everybody ready for some Disney!?"


And they shout "YEAH!!"

And then we TAKE OFF! We get onto I-40 and head across this beautiful great nation. After 12 hours we are in Albuquerque. It takes us 24 hours to make it most of the way across Texas from there, and then we work our way South East until we get onto I-10. After 40 hours of driving (allowing for gas and four scheduled bathroom stops) we drop everyone off at Disney World in beautiful Orlando, Florida.


fig 1. Map with hour estimates


The driver then spends the rest of the night in Orlando before switching out the sign to say FREE SHUTTLE TO DISNEYLAND. We collect new passengers from nearby hotels and then head west for another 40-hour drive across this great nation.



FAQ


Who pays for gas and other travel expenses?

We do! The free shuttle is ABSOLUTELY FREE for our passengers. We also offer blankets, snacks, bottled water, and a Disney movie marathon at no charge.


Is it really free? How will this become a viable business?

As a new startup we expect to operate at a loss while we launch, with a long-term vision for profitability based on advertising. As word of mouth and publicity create buzz for this service, advertisers will recognize that we have a premium level captive audience who are already in vacation spending mode. For example, The Walt Disney Company might wish to partner with us to sell merchandise or ads for their home streaming services.


Speaking of "captive audience" -- isn't this kidnapping?

NO. Boarding the FREE RIDE TO DISNEY*** Van is 100% consensual.

  • We always post clear, highly visible signage that accurately describes the destination.

  • The driver will answer all questions about the nature of our services before passengers board.

  • Because people are already away on vacation, no one will report them missing

  • At no time will passengers be blindfolded, restrained, threatened, or treated poorly.

  • All rides include a FREE Disney Movie Marathon, making this is a fun experience for Disney fans.


Is it a copyright violation for you to play Disney movies on the shuttle?

No. My luxury shuttle is a private vehicle, and I will not be selling tickets or making any money. I believe this is similar to a pediatrician's office playing Monsters, Inc at full fucking volume in the waiting room which seems to be allowed. We will play movies at a reasonable volume.


Won't people be upset when they realize you are taking them across the country?

People might be ruffled at first, but customers will ultimately appreciate the journey because it offers an unforgettable bonding opportunity for kids and grownups alike. During a typical shuttle ride from an area hotel to the nearest Disney park, there's very little time for passengers to bond with their families and with other Disney fans (see chart):

A bar chart comparing average time together on typical shuttles vs my free shuttle
DL = Disneyland in California DW = Disneyworld in Florida

Will you take passengers directly to the Disney park front entrance when you arrive?

On trips where we are shuttling people from Orlando to Disneyland, yes. This van arrives in Anaheim, California around 8:00 PM local time, so passengers will have plenty of time to explore and ride the rides before the park closes at midnight.


Orlando arrivals are a little trickier. Going east, time zone changes are not in our favor, so if we leave at 8 AM we arrive in the middle of the night around 3 or 4 AM. Passengers may choose to stay and sleep on the shuttle until about 30 minutes before the park opens, OR if they prefer we are happy to deliver them to any nearby hotel where they can shower, stretch, and rest. From there, they can then use another shuttle service to get to the Magic Kingdom. These shuttles typically cost around $8 and the ride is under 30 minutes depending on where your hotel is located.


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